I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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