Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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