He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
