Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize