First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
