btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
