What did we do last night that was yellow?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
