Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
