I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
