Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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