Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize