the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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