:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize