I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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