There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
