As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
