Your tits are I can't wait for
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
