turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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