Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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