he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
