shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I need to align my fucking chakras
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