I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
