just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
