also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
