My liver just broke up with me...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
