My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
