Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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