Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just found puke in my bra..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
