Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
