Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
