so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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