if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
