Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
