2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
