she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
