Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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