i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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