If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
