i jhust puked up my retainher.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
