i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
