What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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