he wants to bone in the snuggie
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize