I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
