i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
