you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
