Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize