I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
