After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
