Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
