I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
