the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
