apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize