she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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