I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
