Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
