We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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