dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
