The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
