haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
