it wasn't lemon gatorade
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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