Non-Jews are for practice
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
