OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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