I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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