There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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