I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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