well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
