I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
