I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
