We're like a lot better than the average bears
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
