we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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