I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
In America we eat man semen.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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