Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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