i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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