i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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