I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I touched a dick in church today
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