You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My balls are so social today.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
