my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
