Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
