well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
