She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Who died my cat blue again?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize