worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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