I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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