All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
