i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
