I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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